Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
