My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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