Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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