i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
