Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
