Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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