As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
