the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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