i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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