Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we're making bets on your personal life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
