I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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