It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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