i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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