Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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