Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
