the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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