I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
