Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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