just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
