wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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