I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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