WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
