like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
