She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
