holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
