I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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