she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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