Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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