I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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