margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
