She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize