why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
