If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
