The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
