Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
