Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
