I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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