thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
