He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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