Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
