Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
