There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
