I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
