My nipple is on Facebook.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
