i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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