Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
