So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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