I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
