he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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