I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
