Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Michael Bay diarrhea
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
