I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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