Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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