I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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