I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
