i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize