I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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