I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
