he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
