i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
