thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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