No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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