I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
