Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
