i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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