i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize