I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
