So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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