talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
