I look better un-naked...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize