Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
