It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
